By: Danny May
Owensboro Parent strives to share stories of families in our community. At the same time, we respect the families that share their stories with our magazine. This story is true and based on Jason, a teenager from our city. Per the family’s request, we are keeping this story anonymous. Now, Jason lives a life that seems like a Hallmark Holiday Movie. But it could have just as easily been a tragedy. This story is one of a hundred and fifty similar cases of foster families here in the Owensboro/Daviess County area.
By now, you’re old enough to know what people think: that “foster” means temporary. As in, “not your real family.” But to you, the word “foster” doesn’t come before the word “son” or “home” or “family” or “parents” anymore. Not in your mind. To you, this is mom and dad. It’s all you’ve ever known; it’s all that’s ever been real.
Born heavily addicted to drugs, the first miracle of your life was that you even survived at all. By the time you were removed from your biological mother at three months old, you still weighed your exact birth weight and still suffered from withdrawal symptoms like sleep irregularity, malnutrition, and other complications. Your first placement to foster care was more than the couple could handle, so at seven months old you were placed in your second foster home.
It was a nice home. A working farm actually. The two older girls had already gone off to college. The youngest was a sophomore in high school. As your parents would later explain, they just felt like they had more love to give and lots to offer other children. Your mom says fostering is a calling, and “once you have it you can’t not do it.” So after 30 hours of training, home visits, extensive background checks, and all the references were written and checked, your parents were approved to foster.
You were too young to remember it now, but you had visits with your biological mother when you were a baby. She would come to your house and visit with you and your parents. Eventually, the visits became fewer and further between. Then she terminated her rights when you were two years old because she realized she couldn’t care for you properly. After all the paperwork was finalized, your parents adopted you and your house officially became your forever home– a four-year process from start to finish. So now that your parents’ first three children were grown and out of the house, they started over with a two year old.
In your house, there were always kids coming or going. Growing up you never knew any other way. Over the years you’ve had more than 100 foster brothers and sisters. Some lived in your home for several years. Others were just there overnight until an aunt or uncle or other family member could be notified to come take them. Sometimes your house was full of kids. Sometimes you got the whole room to yourself.
As a teenager, you understand more fully the reasons your parents began fostering and continue even after adopting you. Your mom believes that foster care is her mission in life. “Others feel called to Africa,” she says, “but this is the mission the Lord has for me.”
It’s not always easy, though. It hurts sometimes; for you and for your mom and dad. You love a little brother or sister for years but then you have to watch them go. Now that you’re older you realize how awful some kids’ situations are and just what kind of abuse and neglect other kids your age have to suffer. It makes you realize just how blessed you truly are. One of your foster siblings who was just placed in your home is 7 years old and this is her fifth home. Fifth! How did you get so lucky?
Next year you will graduate. And although your parents joke about showing up with their wheelchairs and walkers because they’re so old, they wouldn’t change it for the world. They don’t regret for a single second spending the last 18 years raising you. They simply cannot imagine their lives without you.
You’ve lived a special definition of love. And sacrifice. You’ve watched it heal the brokenness in the world that you have definitely not been immune to or shielded from.
As the holidays approach once again, you’re reminded of family. Your forever family. And the traditions you can’t wait to pass on to your kids – one day. But for now, it’s Christmas and your junior year. And 2014 will ring in your senior year. Your life is an open book and it’s yours to write. As the chapter of your childhood comes to a close, it’s a wonderfully happy ending.