Another year has come and gone. My boys are 7 and 9 now. As I look toward 2017 and compare it to this time last year, they’ve come a long way. And I’m not just talking about the growth spurts we’ve recorded on the kitchen wall by the fridge.
My younger guy has come out of his shell in first grade. I wouldn’t call him a social butterfly yet. But he’s definitely not as shy. My third-grader has been an AR reading beast this year. His grades are up, homework has been less of a struggle this year, and he wanted piano lessons for his birthday, which he is absolutely loving.
And then there’s me. I’d like to think I’ve been a little more patient lately than this time last year. It’s something I’ve been working on for sure.
My 9-year old, who I call my “mini-me,” learned early on which of my buttons quickly and easily set me off. He knows exactly how to push them and seems to enjoy it, which makes me even more ticked because I let him get the best of me.
I heard something recently that really helped my perspective on this. I was driving to work one morning and heard a guy on Focus on the Family discussing a book he had written about dealing with defiant kids. He was talking about keeping his cool in the tense moments and said, “I always want to be an example to my children, not follow their example.”
Yelling at my kids to stop yelling at each other just doesn’t seem logical, and it’s clearly not effective because they just do it again the next time they’re agitated. Yet for some reason, it seems to be my default setting. I really, really do not like that about myself. So constantly reminding myself to be their example, not follow their example, has been helping me in those tense moments. It’s been a game-changer for me.
Am I modeling patience? Am I modeling strength and confidence? Or am I modeling irritation, anger, and lack of control by following their example in my own response? Ouch.
Most of my friends and family would be shocked to know that I struggle with anger issues, and pretty much have my whole life. Oh, I keep it cool on the outside and generally appear to be a peaceful guy, but inside I might be raging, taking some minor infraction very personally, and then I stew about whatever it was for days. I’ve gotten better about that, but like I mentioned earlier, my kids know exactly how to hit that button.
But since I heard that radio show, remembering to be their example and not follow their example has changed my perspective. That anger button doesn’t work like it used to, which my oldest has found confusing. I can see the “well, that didn’t work” expression on his face.
Progress.
Now that I think about it, that same “be, not follow” thought could serve me pretty well in all areas of my life, not just with my kids. Customers at work. Rude people out in public. Cranky people in general.
Isn’t it amazing what our kids see in us?
And isn’t it amazing how our kids make us see ourselves?
Something to think about for the New Year.