By: Brandy Ulmer
This month, our sweet Jayden would have been ten years old. March 11, 2006 was one of the absolute hardest days of our life, but also one of the most beautiful.
Never will we forget the little spit bubbles, those long legs, his head full of strawberry blonde hair, his sweet smell. Wrapping his little fingers around ours. Staring at him in complete awe, but also sadness.
Never will we forget the amount of love that was present in the room. Never will I forget the nurse coming to check on him, as he’s lying in my arms, and telling me the words I thought I’d be prepared for.
I was about 19 weeks pregnant when we were told our baby boy had “severe abnormalities” and we were sent to Louisville to see a doctor who would then perform an amniocentesis to determine the diagnosis.
Trisomy 13: a genetic condition that often causes death either in utero or shortly after birth. The doctor then says three words that would replay in my head over and over: “incompatible with life.”
The doctor’s immediate recommendation was abortion. I had heard all the talk before about being “pro-choice” or “pro-life,” but never did I expect to be faced with the decision myself.
Spending countless hours researching this chromosomal disorder had proved that the three words the doctor stated (those 3 words that were replaying over and over in my head) were the “norm.”
But, there was no way that we could terminate this precious baby. We heard his sweet heartbeat, we saw him being so active and cooperative on the ultrasound screen, and I was starting to even feel flutters. Whether he would be “compatible with life” or not, we trusted that God would take him from us when He was ready for his life to end, not when a doctor was.
“Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst” became our motto the entire pregnancy. We both knew, deep down, that the results were real, but we were still hopeful that all the abnormalities would disappear.
We had decided after our researching, and after our many prayers asking for strength and guidance, that we would not have any surgeries performed on Jayden, and we would instead spend as much time with him as God allowed.
The induction was scheduled at U of L Hospital; I was 37 weeks pregnant.
After about 13 hours of back labor pains and trying to rest, it was time for him to arrive. It was such an easy delivery. I pushed for less than 10 minutes.
Hello to Jayden Clark Ulmer. He was breathing and his tiny heart was beating. He was 4 lbs. 5 oz. and 21 in. long. He made the facial expressions of crying when he was being wrapped up, but there was no sound. This beautiful life we created was finally here, and alive. Hallelujah!
The room was full of so many tears, but also full of so much love. Jayden was passed around the room and was held by each family member and friend who was there to support us.
We were so blessed to have had so many wonderful people surrounding us that day, and so happy that we were able to share his presence with everyone there.
His heart stopped beating less than two hours after he entered the world.
We had him bathed, and placed in an outfit we had purchased for him, and had him blessed shortly after his passing.
The next few days were even harder. Leaving the hospital, without a baby, and coming home to plan a funeral was never a thought that crossed our minds when we saw the positive pregnancy test.
His time here on Earth may have been short, but the impact he left on us all wasn’t. He has shown us the meaning of unconditional love and acceptance, and to never take anything in this life for granted. We both can smile when we think about him, knowing that his beautiful little soul is living on through his younger brothers. And, that one day, we will be able to reunite with him again.