By: Elaine Martin
If I were to create a list entitled “Elaine’s Favorite Things,” near the top would be family dinners. Breakfast and lunch would definitely be in the top 50 because I love food, so all things that include confectionery treats are awesome; however, dinnertime has an entirely different set of emotions for me. I appreciate the evening gathering for one very special reason…actually, because of a very special plate.
Let me backtrack and give you some history. About ten years ago, I ran across an article in Family Fun, which is a magazine I regularly devoured to glean new ideas for my young family. The author shared an idea that helped stop her children from fighting, and it involved a unique dinner guest – a plate. Each evening, as her family sat eating, one member of the family would have the honor of eating off a particular plate. As the meal was consumed, all other family members took turns telling the plate person why he or she was special. After all encouraging words were shared, the good news recipient then had to tell what he or she liked about herself.
I couldn’t close the magazine quickly enough!!! I probably resembled Roadrunner chasing after Coyote, as I darted into the kitchen to find my own special plate. I dug in several cluttered cabinets and dusted off a tiny pink teddy bear plate, which I declared The Martin Family Plate. Little did I know that particular chipped piece of dinnerware would add such a remarkable dynamic to our boring ol’ spaghetti dinners.
The first few nights we started,
the words we heard from our girls to one another were expected: “I like your shirt,” or “You smell good,” and even “I like that you aren’t sitting next to me.” One of the very few rules we created was that praises could not be repeated, so they had to start digging deeper to find richer expressions. We started hearing: “You have a pretty smile” and “You were kind when you let me watch the show I wanted.” Dinnertime had gone from grumbling about being forced to eat green beans to a time that we actually built each other up.
Please don’t think that this was always a warm and fuzzy, feel good time. We definitely had our share of “I like that I’m not you” sort of moments, where the kids just couldn’t find a silver lining of her sister that day. Those were learning times as well, as the speaker really had to learn to push the day’s hormonal events to the side and try to find even a tiny spark of something to say.
One of my very favorite memories was when one of the girls was preschool age. It was my husband Greg’s night to eat off the teddy bear plate. She thought and thought, struggling to add to the previously spoken words. Finally, her eyes lit up as she dropped her plastic fork and quipped, “Daddy, you know when I wake up early in the morning and come into bed to snuggle with you and Mommy? I love when you turn over and your back hair tickles my nose.” You can only imagine the spewed food and laughter we shared after that!
We had an occasional family or guest join us, and their faces were a bit surprised when I put our beloved pink plate in front of them. The guest would usually think I’d made a mistake, but as we started eating and sharing the praises, the confusion would turn into a big smile. I recall one evening when my aunt joined us for simple sandwiches. We all took turns, saying why she was important to each of us. It was just a matter of minutes before the tears were flowing. She told us that it had been ages since someone had told her she was special. Our girls’ friends loved joining us for dinner, because they knew exactly what to expect. She would see the special plate on the table and race to her seat, for she wanted the seat of honor. When I saw how eager one specific friend was, I paused and prayed that our words would ease her wounded spirit, as I knew her parents had just recently announced their separation. Her anxious face turned into a beautiful smile, as she allowed herself to hear the warmness of our words.
It has been many years since we added this simple but very meaningful addition to our family meals. The pink plate was eventually dropped and shattered, but a trip to the Dollar Store gave us a newer and bigger plate that holds just as much significance. We learned that dinner time allows us to load up more than just our bellies. If we take just a few more minutes to truly see one another, suppertime can be a sacred time to leave the table with fuller hearts as well.