Q&A With Christina Dalton, MSSW, CSW
Q: I have an almost 4-year-old son and he still takes a pacifier. I know as I write this how bad that sounds. I think he might still have it when he goes to kindergarten. I have tried and tried. It’s so bad that he won’t sleep, cries all the time and I think I’m the one that can’t give it up right now. Help!
A: This is such a difficult one. It’s right up there with the bottle and sleeping in their bed. I hate to tell you that I don’t know a magic secret. I wish I did for you. I remember how hard it was to get my child off of the pacifier. And you are right, I loved that thing as much as she did. I will tell you what I did. She was about to turn three and it was right before Christmas. I took all the pacifiers and put them up and explained to her that Santa Claus had taken her pacifiers because he knew she was such a big girl now and he needed them to give to the new babies that were just born. It sounds pretty good but she still didn’t take it great and not to mention there are probably still pacifiers somewhere in my house. We would find one every now and then and she would look at it like an old friend. It’s just a hard thing to do, but if you know it’s time then you just have to push forward. It’s very difficult to do because we know that they get great comfort out of that little thing and we get valuable silence. You can do it!
Q: I am a mom of four children all under the age of seven. I know when my family walks into a restaurant that I can feel people staring and people not wanting us to be seated near them. I’m not the type of person that thinks my children are perfect. They aren’t and will usually show it when we go out to eat. Does that mean we can never go out and eat like normal people?
A: Bless your heart! If anyone reading this has a child then they know exactly what you are talking about and it’s not any fun. I’ve talked before about people in restaurants doing the double shift, switching off with the kids only to slurp down your meal and get out as soon as possible. Kids love going out to eat, but they also hate being left out. You need to use that to your advantage. This will take work on your part if you really want it to change your children’s behavior without going to the bathroom in every restaurant and having a serious “talk” with them. Tell them, “I’ll be glad to take you all out to your favorite restaurant when I feel like I don’t have to worry about you misbehaving and not listening.” Keep in mind this will probably work with 3-year-olds and up. Go out without them a few times. Make a big deal about how much fun you had. Then give them another chance. I was a believer in the DVD player with headphones – anything to get out and it go well. If it doesn’t work out just have someone on standby to come get them when it goes south. I know that sounds difficult to do, but if you do it right, you won’t have to do it again and family dinners can commence without dish clean-up!
Q: I am a new grandmother. I have a 7-month-old grandson. My question might be silly to you but I don’t understand all this new stuff about not watching television until they are two years old. I babysit quite a bit and every time I turn around the poor baby is trying to watch TV and I just don’t get it? What is wrong with that?
A: This is a new one for me too and I actually had to do a little research to answer this question. Research on this topic shows that children under the age of two learn better from the real world than they do any screen that they could watch. It appears that television has a negative effect on language development, reading skills and short-term memory. They basically called it mental junk food for babies and toddlers. I feel like the biggest piece I took from my research was that when a baby is watching television is takes away time and interaction with you. They are able to learn so much more from their interactions with people. I understand this being a foreign concept to you and to myself. I had heard about it, but never really looked into it. And at first I thought to myself, well my child watched television, and even though that was 12 years ago, she’s fine. But I think what we can take from this is that as a society we are constantly learning and growing and it means the way we do everything will always be changing. I hope this helps a little. Thanks for the question!