Q&A with Christina Dalton, MSSW, CSW
Q: My son is almost 3 and he is not potty trained yet. I feel that I am doing something wrong. I have tried everything from charts, stickers, rewards, you name it. Help?!
A: I wish there was a magic formula for this but I am afraid there is not. My best piece of advice is to be consistent. You have to live and breathe potty training. And it’s not fun at all. My child had no interest in it and then one day something just clicked. I can’t really tell you what I did but we were attempting to go to the potty all the time. If your child goes to daycare or a sitter’s house, then they have to be obsessed with going to the potty too. It is a team effort. I have had parents tell me that with boys they make a game of it and put cheerios in the toilet and try to get them to sink the cheerio. I would try it! He will get there and I’m sure it’s nothing you are doing wrong. Keep Calm and Potty On!
Q: I have a 12-year-old daughter who will be turning 13 soon. Sleepovers are starting to be an issue. She wants to be around her friends 24/7 and wants to do sleepovers on the weekends. I am usually ok if it’s at my house because I can monitor them but with smartphones these days, who knows what she might see?! Do you have any tips or suggestions to make this a smoother process?
A: I have an 11-year-old and we haven’t done sleepovers yet. They scare me to death. LOL! I do however have friends with children around this age and I know some tips that could make you feel better about this process. I remember doing sleepovers when I was in middle school and how much fun they were, but things are so different now. There was no Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat then. One suggestion I have is that you can actually check other kids’ phones to see if they have parent restrictions on them. Most children that age do have some kind of smartphone. You can put parent restrictions on your child’s phone so that they do not have access to the Internet or YouTube without your permission. And you can tell them, “I can’t let you spend the night if they do not have some kind of guidelines when it comes to the Internet and social media.” I have another friend that puts all the phones in her bedroom when it’s bedtime so that there is not any unsupervised use of phones. There is a way in the phone’s settings to put these restrictions in place or you can probably go to where you bought the phone and they can help you too. Another suggestion that has to do with Instagram is if they want to follow your child then they have to follow you too. This way you can see anything that they are posting as well. Technology moves so fast and it’s hard to keep up with everything that is out there and our kids are on top of it. But with a little work we can stay in the know too! And any parent that doesn’t want these things in place to help keep our kids safe, then they probably aren’t the kind of parent you want your children staying with in the first place. This may sound overprotective but it really depends on if you want your child being educated about the world from you or the Internet.
Q: My son is 5 years old and I need advice on how to tell him about our close, family friend that is very sick. She will be doing chemo and it does not look good right now. He is very close with her and I am unsure how to go about this with him. I don’t want to say the wrong thing.
A: First of all, I am very sorry about your friend. This is something that is never easy no matter what age. We never want to give our kids bad news or see them in pain. My suggestion to you is to keep it very simple. I would explain to your son that your friend is sick and that she is going to get treatments to help her feel better. I would tell him that she might lose her hair from these treatments but that it will grow back. That sentence alone is going to cause a million questions. I think that at that age you don’t want to give them too much information, but you want them to be educated at the same time. The great thing about children is they want to help. They love doing things for others. This would be a great opportunity to bake something together for your friend. This activity will also provide a comfortable environment to discuss what’s going on with her and your child can ask questions. You could also get him to make her cards, which is a great way for him to express his feelings. I want to caution you on taking time for yourself as well. This has to be very difficult for you too and that could come out unexpectedly if you are not careful. You know your child best and you will do fine. Best of luck….